Re-acquainting myself with the P-word

Last night I took a razor to my pussy!


That's right, I said it!


There has always been this small part of me that rebelled against what everyone perceived as normal. I'm sure we all have that: that small part that encourages us to get a tattoo, a piercing, or (like most brown-skinned young people of the Western Cape) extract the four front teeth - just a little something that, even though society eventually wins in the end and forces us to conform, serves as a miniature 'up yours.' For me, that small part was a dense jungle cultivated Down Under. Of course this poses a small problem when you attempt to make love to your partner with something that resembles a goldilocks scour. If your partner is lucky, he (or she, whatever your preferences are) might escape with something that resembles rug-burn ... if they are lucky!


Having had this problem for some time, I decided that the hair had to go. Armed with a small tub of warm water, a bar of soap, a towel and a small handheld mirror I went to work (not having wax and also not feeling brave enough to torture myself with hot sugar coming into contact with my sensitive flesh). By the end of the night I had a perfectly smooth, puffy-looking pussy that I had not laid eyes on since I was eleven. It felt very sexy and I couldn't stop admiring my handiwork from every visible angle possible ... then the burning itch started!


For others who are in the same boat (scared to death of waxing) and who would like to trim the bush, follow these simple instructions:


What you will need:

• Comb and scissors (or clippers)
• New pivoting razor with multiple blades
• Shaving cream or gel
• Cortizone cream for if pubic area becomes itchy
• Light, unscented moisturizer

1. Trim the hedges - If (like me) you are shaving down there for the first time, you will have LOTS of hair down there. In order to prevent your razor from getting caught in something, trim your hair first (using a scissor or clippers) and cut your hairs about 1/4 of the way down.


2. Lubricate - In my extensive research on this topic, it was suggested that you take a bath or shower BEFORE the shaving process as this prepares the skin and softens the follicles. Alternatively, you can use a warm, wet face cloth and hold it against the area to be shaven for five minutes. Apply your shaving gel (according to my research, it should not be the kind that you would use for your face or legs but something specifically designed for the pubic area).

3. Let your razor do the gliding - I have it on good authority that there are many razors on the market that are especially designed for the pubic area. If you are able to get your hands on one, do so. If (like me) you decide to go the disposable route, please be aware that it is very easy to hurt yourself. Roll up a small hand towel and place it over the clit area and any other area you wish to protect against the blades of your razor. I have also been advised not to go over an area repeatedly as this will lead to razor-burn. Also, if you're using the disposable razor, remember that they can only be used ONCE!


4. Smooth sailing - I do not wish ingrown hairs on any of you ... it is not pleasant and just ruins the effect. If you don't want your partner to run screaming in the opposite direction, I've got one word for you: EXFOLIATE! Just be gentle down there, okay?


And finally, take your time ladies; this is going to take a while. You are sensitive down there and the last thing you want to do is have the razor get snagged on something. Also, you will have to bring out your inner contortionist and she is a little out of practice. So work slowly, work carefully and work thoroughly down there.

Those mean reds!

I have always had a thing for old movies. There is just something about the old-time glamor of the sixties that still appeals - even in the 21st century!

A few days ago I revisited an old favorite of mine: Breakfast at Tiffany's. Hollywood has immortalised the opening scene of Holly Golightly, a young woman in evening atire and huge sunglasses, standing in front of Tiffany's, sipping a foam take-away cup of coffee and eating a croissant (or at least I think it's a croissant). Later we learn that Holly Golightly (portrayed by the stylish Audrey Hepburn) flees to Tiffany's whenever she experiences "those mean reds," when life becomes to much for her:

                   Holly:“You know those days when you get the mean reds?” ... The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling? …Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany’s. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it. Nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that’d make me feel like Tiffany’s, then — then I’d buy some furniture and give the cat a name!”

 

Image: http://www.peatom.info/images/2008/12/19/desayuno-con-diamantes.noticia.jpg

I'm having one of those days right now, the mean reds. I have been having them since I was eleven, when I started getting insomnia or started hyperventilating or even getting bouts of mini panic-attacks worrying about what will become of me one day. My mean reds are always about that...and right now, I wish that I had a place like Tiffany's that I could run to...